Drive Home
Part II

As a child, My Mother took us on amazing road trips. Across the country to meet family, & to see historical sights. One of our stops was in Illinois, to see My Grandfather Culotta's Family. We stayed with Grandpa Culotta's Cousin, Dolly. I don't remember a whole lot. I just remember how nice everyone was, family reunion partys, catching fireflys, dealing with humidity, and seeing My first Amish!

2-3 Months Ago, I got a very strong impression that I needed to visit Aunt Dolly. I didn't know why. I just knew it was important. I called My Grandfather & got her information. I looked up the distance between us...and being a 4 hour drive one way, it just didn't seem logical. While mapping out our drive home, from Kentucky. I was beyond thrilled to see we would be driving right through Urbana, Illinois!! So 2 days before we left, I called Aunt Dolly & asked if we could stop by on Sunday Afternoon.

Ironically enough, it was exactly the half ways point!!

As soon as we pulled up, I knew which house it was. Very little had changed in the 16 years, since I had last been there. Aunt Dolly, Jodi & Lois all welcomed us. Everything seemed very familiar to me. Even the Corn being sky high in her backyard. Aunt Dolly, fed us Lunch, of what else but Salami Sandwiches & Cookies!! (just like grandpas) The kids played, & we visited for 3 hours. I was sad we had to leave so fast. I went to the bathroom before we left. And was even surprised I remembered My Mom giving us baths in the tub.

So why was it so important for us to go??
It was Simple.
And only one word comes to mind...

Comfort.

In 16 Years a lot has changed. There isn't a lot of places or things that are still the same. I have always had a difficult time with this. I was so sad to move from California to Boston. I loved Our house in Alta Loma, & just My Life in general. My Parents assured me, that a Home was just a place. And as long as we were all together our New Home would feel like Home. After a few years it eventually did. My Mothers 9 1/2 Year Battle with Cancer came to a end. When she died, it felt extremely Empty and Hallow at Home. Everything was as it was, while she was alive.
Except it was missing one Key thing...

Her.

Alan & I had gotten Married. After 1 1/2 Years we started a Family. It was extremely comforting to me, to think of Coming Home, as the last place my family had been all together. Showing My Children, parts of there Grandmothers life, visiting her Grave, & just seeing things that reminded me of all the happy Memory's. I loved going into her closet, running my fingers over her clothing, taking in the scent, and just being reminded of how she left them last. Home almost felt sacred now. It was where she spent her last moments on earth. My Dad moved to Kentucky with David. I was heartbroken. Because spending time in that House again was going to be nearly impossible. Fast forward to Present time. This was My First Visit to Kentucky. My Dad & Debra were very Welcoming. Even though most of the same Furniture is in the New House. I felt uneasy. It did not feel like home. In fact it felt like a Strangers House. And it took me a little off guard.

When I have the opportunity of visiting my Grandpa Culotta's Home, it has that same sacredness. Perhaps its because My Grandmother spent her last moments on earth in her home. Or because My Aunt Cynthia, does such a wonderful job keeping things as My Grandmother did. Its Comforting to have and to be around things of someone you love.

With all of the chaos of moving to Iowa. Being far away from Family. And discovering somewhere new. I have learned the importance of a Sacred Home. It is so nice to feel Comfort when you least expect it. I love being reminded of My Mother. Home really is where the Heart Is...

We figured out the last time we were here, Mallory was Savannah's age!!
We took a photo on her porch before we left...Jodi holding Savannah, Aunt Dolly, & Lois.

It seems Ideal that the same chair is still on her Porch...
I like to think that My Mother, was sitting on that Chair for these picture.

6 Years...

6 Years...

It amazes me how fast, and slow a year can go by. Last year was incredibly hard at the 5 year mark, & just a hard year in general. Honestly, I think My Mom knew how sad I was, & what a serious year it was! This year she made it up to me... She made me smile & laugh so much!!! 6 Years is definitely a lot less harder than 5. We use to laugh sooo much!!! She was the silliest person I knew! Being with her was always sooo fun!!

Even though, I am far away, & in this new place. Is it a coincidence Mallory missed her flight?? Or that all of the flights were booked, until late Tues night?? I have a feeling my Mom had something to do with it. ;)

While driving to Madison, we saw a Amish Buggy!! Best part was it was only 15-20 mins into the state line!!! I LIVE near Amish!!! This has been on my list of things to accomplish in my lifetime! My Mom LOVED the Amish & Mennonites. She always had us learning about them. We read books, asked ex-amish ppl questions, went to there farms, ect. In fact when David was 5, he went into a Eye Dr for his yearly eye check. When they got to a slide of a tractor. Davids response was "Ohhh I think that's a Amish tractor...Ohhh wait... Its a Mennonite, Sorry!!". (Mennonites drive cars and are a little more modern) What 5 year old could tell you that?? Let alone the difference???! My Mom was always teaching us about something new!!! She could always hold all of our attention!!

Even more fitting, was spending the day with My good friend Patti Thomas from MA. (She lives in Madison, Wi & Ironically had the day off!! coincidence??!) My Mom LOVED Patti!! Patti was one of My Moms FAVORITE Friends. We met at Girls Camp when were 12. We went to EFY together, hung out in Boston, double dated, ect. Patti & I always laugh so much because we are such opposites! No one would ever pair us together! We have managed to see each other almost every year since High School!!! (except while she served her mission... however Alan & I dropped her off to the MTC & I got to see her within a month of being home in MA!) It seems so ideal to spend the day with her. And between the 3 of us and the kids we Laughed a TON!!!

We went to the Zoo (Which I will post later about) in Madison. My Mom loved animals!! She always had so much compassion for them. I am told now, that she was like that even as a child. My Mom did the BEST praying mantis impression!!! Or the BEST Scardy Cat you would ever see!!! Even as a child, I remember her helping a suffering giant bubble bee! You would always hear her laugh at animal shows/commercials that made animals silly! To this day every time, I see anything with a talking animal I think of her. She LOVED Babe & Babe Pig in the City!!! (click the link to see her favorite part!! ;)) Or one of her favorite commercials...




This Video always makes me laugh. It was back in the day when videos on digital cameras didn't have volume yet! :)

So here's what went down...
You see us all smiling for the photo.
My Dad says "Guess What?!"
My Mom still smiling says "What???" thru her teeth.
During the same time David lets out this HORRID Fart (or as Culotta's would say "POPS").. naturally I swing away out of reaction. And still smiling for the photo. Somehow I am the only one who notices!!
My Dad announces "This is a Video!!"
(My Dad ALWAYS would pull this on us!! He would tell us it was a picture but really it was a video!!)
We all LAUGH.
My Mom explaining how she was trying not to move while my dad was asking questions.
Than I explain what David did!!! (Notice how he doesn't even acknowledge it!! haha)
Mallory being typical Mallory... all over the place.
Me trying to Pop Davids fingers!!
And Christy doing Mr. ROBOTO??!

I hope there is less crying and more laughing in the years to come!!!

I Love You MOM!!
& I have Missed You Every Day since...

Mines of Spain with Dad

Mines of Spain with Dad

We had 2 hours to spare before the crock pot was done. So we finally got around to taking Alan to the Mines of Spain!! This was our first time back since the traumatic event. The kids did fairly well. Except for the sudden panics whenever they saw a bird. lol.

We picked a random path/hike, Horseshoe Bluff Nature Trail -its about ¾ miles. Which took us about a hour with the kids. (mostly because there are a lot of stairs going up) It takes you along some marshes and the side of the Mississippi River. The Bluffs are gorgeous and a geologist would have a field day!! I can already tell we will be here a lot in spring. Summer probably not so much.. due to snakes! :/

Overlooking The Great Mississippi River from Julien Dubuque Monument...

On our Hike...

Sometimes I think Savannah is a Movie Star in training... lol

Lambs Ears...
My Mom use to grow these in Massachusetts & they grow wild here!!! They are super soft!! My kids loved feeling them!! I Love these small daily reminders of her!!! :)

Looking Back on Horseshoe Bluff Trail...

The Views were AMAZING!!!

Hidden Gems

I LOVE FB

Especially when Hidden Gems turn up...
My Mom is the 3rd Girl to the Left.
Its makes me so happy to run across a photo that captures a moment in her short life.
:)

5 Years Ago Today...

How is it, that we are already at this point?! I have often wondered what this day would be like when it came. 5 Years ago it seemed like it would never come. It seemed impossible that any of us could survive this long without her. I use to wonder if it would hurt any less, if I would still think of her daily, or If I will still be sad that she's gone?? The answer is, Yes to all of the above.

My Mother was and still is ONE of my Best Friends in this entire world. We had this amazing connection. In fact she use to call me her Tiffy Roo, after Kanga & Roo. She felt like we were always in some way connected. In fact once she connected with someone, she always made sure they knew she was thinking of them! (now that I'm older I see what a enormous talent this was!) We always saw eye to eye, or at least I would realize it shortly after discussing it with her. haha. Our days use to consist of spending a great deal of time together. And then when I moved, calling each other a half a dozen times daily. We would laugh so hard we would cry. She would always have the best advice and best story's from growing up! She always saw people for who they were. She had this amazing talent of telling people what she always thought without hurting there feelings! (Still working on that..) She imitated a Praying Mantis like it was no ones business... I know weird but so funny!! Inspiration to so many people in so many ways. Constantly influencing my life decisions, the kind of mother I am striving to be, and just trying to endure the way she was able to. She was & still is AMAZING!!!

Reflecting is what has been going on in the month of April. April is a extremely bittersweet month for us. 5 years ago is when I married My Sweetheart. 5 years ago, I sat in the Celestrial room with my soon to be husband and was able to have my mother sit with us before we were sealed. That would be the only time in my life, I would be in the temple with her. 5 years ago I helped dress her outer shell. It would be the first and only time in my life that I would see my mother in her temple clothing. 5 years ago we buried her in one of the oldest cemetery's in the country. 5 years ago changed how I can never look at tulips, the 26th day, or anxiety the same way again. If I had to make all those sacrifices I made for her... I would do them again in a heartbeat without any hesitation. Or even after... I really didn't take her death very well. How my 10-20 daily anxiety attacks reached the point of hospitalization. And even though not all of those moments are the happy, joyous kind.. I would do it all again. Because 5 years later it still hurts a lot, most of all I have learned how to deal however those experiences have helped me become who I am today.

We have endless photo's & video's of her... and they are beyond cherished in our home. So many times I think if only those moments could talk back... I would tell her so much. Especially how much my heart still aches. How 5 years ago, really doesn't feel like 5 years. But yet things are so different now. I would thank her for her teachings, constant example, & our conversations. They are constantly flooding into my daily life. Asking her endless Questions. How every time I see a photo of her, I am still over come with her beauty. Or how the color pink takes on whole new meaning. I think a lot of her fight for life and her attitude towards trials. How 5 years later whenever some one mentions Cancer or Chemo, I instantly feel sick to my stomach. If only... I would even just be okay with hugging her without conversing. I just miss her so much.

I found this quote a few months back and often think of it...

"One’s life, therefore, is brevity compared to eternity—like being dropped off by a parent for a day at school.

But what a day!"
--Elder Neal A. Maxwell
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

I Miss her so much... & really cant wait for her to pick me up from School one day!

I Love You Mommy!!!!!

Flashbacks

...I Understand, I get it...

A Little over, 1 Year Ago I became a Aunt.

My Husband became a Uncle & Our Children became Cousins.

We gained & lost a Nephew. And my testimony of the Atonment only grew.

I have had a great deal of Flashbacks in the past 2 weeks. More than normal. 2 inperticular.

----

The first of My Mother. There was a point in her treatments where we had to go into Boston for a Procedure. A Metal Halo was to be placed into her Head. This would allow her to receive precise Radiation to her Brain. We knew it would be awful. But I don't think anything could prepare us for what we were about to hear & gain.

We said our goodbyes. They sent us to a room down the Hall. Somewhat muffled, we could hear her talking to the doctors.

You see you have to be awake for this procedure. To ensure they don't go down to far.

We could hear what sounded like mulitple screwdrivers. My Mothers cried out. Her crys pierced me. "Ow Ow Ow Ow!!!". You could hear the anguish of her feeling the pressure from all sides.

What was only 15 minutes seemed like hours. All of us were crying. There was simply nothing we could do. Finally they let us come back in to see her. 5 Big Screws held a Huge Gray Metal Halo. The Screws had indented into her skull. Dry Blood around each screw. It was a horrific site.

I got it. I understood. My Mother never once complained. You would never hear another cry. You never heard her "Woe Is Me". My Mother gave every ounce of Faith she had. She knew this was a small moment.

Christ wore a Crown of Thorns. Christ never once complained. Christ had Faith & trusted the Lord. Christ knew and saw the greater purpose.

Just hearing My Mother suffer was awful. How would it be if I had to hear or Witness Christ being crucified? I got it. I understood. It was so much more personal than ever before.

-----

Second The Delivery of Sweet Little Devin. My sister was devastated. Labor was very long, she was unmotivated to deliver him. There was no grand reward at the end of all this hard work. Her crys during Labor, triggered My Mothers cry during that procedure. I started thinking about the Atonement. All I could think of was John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”. This was my Sisters First born Son. I too gave birth to a Son first. I got it. I understood.

-----

I had time alone with there outer shells after there spirts left.

With My Mother I remembered, I studied her Hands. At the time, I wasn't sure why I concentrated on that so hard. Now I understand. I was simply trying to focus on something that seemed the most like her. Her hands were unchanged from the effects of what her body went thru.

With Devin, not thinking, I did it with his feet. I studied those feet so hard.

Christ showed them the marks on his hands & feet. Another way to show Witness that Our Saviour lives. Another testament of the life here after. I never really put it together before. Now when I think of these 2 People. I am instantly filled with feelings of Love for My Saviour. Grateful for opportunity's to grow here on this earth.

I understand. I get it.

I Love You Mommy!

&

I Love You Devin!

Happy Birthday Mommy...

Its hard to believe that in 2 1/2 months, we will be approaching 5 years that you left.

There is still not a day, I dont think about you.

I am constantly sharing things about you to your grandbabies. You will find a picture of you, in each of there rooms. They both know that its Grandma.

We sing songs that you use to sing to us growing up. We dance your silly dances, and we read your favorite books.

The kids think it smells like cupcakes(vanilla) when you come around. And they love it as much as I do!

Sometimes I walk in on the kids talking in conversation and laughing to someone I cant see. When I ask them who they are talking to. They always reply Grandma. As if I were asking a dumb question in the first place. I know without a doubt that it is you.

I love when all of the kids get together, its like having pieces of you around. I love spending time with your Sister for the same reasons.

I love how we honour you every year, even though you arent here physcially. How we end up laughing so hard and crying the next. Mostly it just feels good to remember and be reminded why I love you and adore you so much.

With every year, I feel closer to you. I feel, I am able to relate to you. Im understanding more and more the sacrifices you made, and how strong you were.

I only hope, I can be half the person you were. I Love You So much!! Happy Birthday Mommy! Cant wait for the day I can celebrate with you again!!

Thanksgiving Trivia

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving...

I really wanted to post some Thanksgiving Trivia!

In the Dental Office I work in, I started quizzing the staff and patients on the First Thanksgiving! And came to realization that People in Utah Are DUMB!!! Now I realize that, I have a HUGE advantage here! (growing up I was only 20 mins on back roads to Plymouth. countless trips to Plymouth Plantation, school, dates {yes, dates!!!} and taking everyone who ever visited us to "the rock".) But regardless, I thought everyone knew the basics!!! I only had 2-3 ppl actually know the year the pilgrims came! And only a small handful actually knowing the name of the boat! haha.

These silly questions, made me more aware of how grateful I am. For having a Mother, who stressed the importance of reading about history, and then going to see it in person. She brought History to Life! And I know the reason why I love it so much, is because of her. She made sure we asked even the silliest of questions. That we knew it by heart. And that we became emotionally passionate about it. By the time we learned about it in school. We always had our hand raised, when asked if anyone has been there. We knew more specifics then the textbooks. I am grateful for having the opportunity to live, where we were able to go to all of these wonderful places so easily. There will always be a piece of me missing My Mothers Traditional New England Thanksgiving Dinner. I love the Holidays and Our Family Traditions. I love that she made me love those things, that are now so dear to my heart.

Sooo quiz your family and friends and see if they know the beginnings of why we started celebrating this holiday! Below, (as requested from Dr. L) I wrote down the questions, I asked everyone this past week! Lets see how smart you are! And if you didn't know... Now you Do! ;)


1. In what year, and on what boat did the pilgrims come on?
1620 on the Mayflower

2. Where did the Pilgrims first land?
Most people would say Plymouth, but that is actually wrong! They landed on Cape Cod. More specifically Provincetown. (The Very tip of the Cape) There is actually a huge Pilgrim Monument there today, to commemorate the pilgrims first landing in the new world! They settled in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

3. What was the date in which the pilgrims landed in Plymouth?
December 21, 1620... 66 Days by ship and another month from the Cape to Plymouth!

4. What artifact can you still find today in Plymouth that was from the pilgrims?
Plymouth Rock

5. How many survived from the Mayflower and made it to the 1st Thanksgiving?
Only 50%! 53 Pilgrims & 90 Indians!

6. What Religion were the Pilgrims, and where did they come from?
They were Puritans & they came from England.

7. What was the name of Plymouth's first and acting Governor during the 1st Thanksgiving?
Governor William Bradford

8. What was the name of the Indian Tribe that helped the pilgrims and attended Thanksgiving?
The Wamonoag Indians

9. What famous tribal chief attended the first Thanksgiving?
Chief Massasoit, who made a peace treaty with the Pilgrims

10. When was the 1st Thanksgiving held?
Fall of 1621

11. What did the Wamonoag Indians teach the pilgrims?
They taught them how to grow crops, where to hunt, fish and even build.

12. More specifically, what crops?
Corn, Pumpkin, Squash, Beans, Sunflowers, & Melons.

13. One of the things the Indians taught the pilgrims were to use fertilizer in there crops. What was it and what kind was it?
Fish -- Herring

14. Who was the famous Indian, who spoke English, and helped the pilgrims and the Wamonoag Indians communicate?
Squanto

15. What is the size of Plymouth Rock today and why?
The original was estimated around 20,000 lbs! It is now 1/3 of that size! People started chipping away at the rock to take souvenirs. It is now in Plymouth Harbor, protected in a outdoor Monument.

16. Where did the Cornucopia come from?
It's a symbol for abundance. Literally means "Horn of Plenty". It was also apart of Greek Mythology. The pilgrims used a basket form on the table.

17. Why do we have turkey every Thanksgiving?
The pilgrims replaced goose with wild turkey because they were more abundant and easier to find than goose.
Why Goose?
Queen Elizabeth (16th Century) used goose during Harvest Festival and in celebrations. So the pilgrims replaced it with something they had.

18. How long was the first Thanksgiving?
It was a 3 Day Celebration! Full of Fish, Lobster, Turkey, Deer, Seals, Eels, & there crops!

19. Who and what year was Thanksgiving made a national holiday?
President Abraham Lincoln in 1863. Thanksgiving was held on the last Thursday of the month.

20. Who, when, and why did they change Thanksgiving?
President Franklin Roosevelt in 1939 to the 4th Thursday of the month. In hopes to help stimulate the economy by adding 1 more week to the Christmas Season.

Photos are from Plymouth way back in 2001!!! So aka why its so grainy...